The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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