Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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