My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
