Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
