who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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