I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
