And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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