This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So vagazzling was a success
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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