I am puke
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
