you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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