final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
