i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
