Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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