could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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