...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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