take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
