She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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