The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
