My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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