Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
