Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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