it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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