So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Are we still banned from the library?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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