My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
