made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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