You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
