I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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