I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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