I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
