Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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