His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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