Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
