Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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