dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
