you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
