Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
