I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
