don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
