Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
