Just cropdusted the office
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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