**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
