no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
