Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
