I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
