but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
