I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
