Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
