i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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