there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
