Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it because I queefed?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
