Your face is a jimmy john
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
