come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
