i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
