Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
