I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
