I cockslap morals
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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