this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
