i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
