stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
