Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
