I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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