yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
