The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
