Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize