I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
