i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
