The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
