A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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