I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
