It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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