The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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