Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
