omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize